How I would write Divergent...

My last post displayed my thoughts on Divergent by Veronica Roth, but I didn't to show how I would improve the book.

I think imagery specifically needs to be improved. It was sometimes hard to grasp the words on the page. If I were to change anything about the book, it would be the diction and syntax choices.

The quote I chose to show in my last post was:

"I approach one of the fallen guards and take his gun, keeping my eyes away from the injury that killed him. My head pounds. I haven't eaten; I haven't slept; I haven't sobbed or screamed or even paused for a moment. I bit my lip and push myself toward the elevators on the right side of the room. Level eight." (Roth 470)

These are my improvements of the above paragraph.
the first sentence:
I keep my focus on the gun; the splotchy, brown-red patch stamped on the motionless guard in my peripheral. 

The key (in my opinion, of course) is to go into detail about a particular object. It could be the gun, the guard, ect. I focused on the injury.

Second sentence:
My heartbeat is coming from my skull. Sleep-deprived. Sleep. I need sleep, and maybe something to put in my vacant stomach.

I improved this sentence by varying the lengths of the sentences (syntax). "Maybe" is an understatement (figurative language)

Third sentence:
Wearily, I wonder to the elevator, biting my lip. I press '8' with a shaky finger.

I wanted the reader to understand the shock Tris was in after the event that had just happened, which wasn't really included in the original.

Finally... The End

I have just finished Divergent.

I started reading it because I have heard really great things about it and my friends recommended I read it. Not to mention, I wanted to read the book before I saw the movie...

TO BE VERY, VERY HONEST
I didn't like the book. I thought that the storyline was creative and action-packed, but Veronica Roth let me down. Again, I have to give her credit for the storyline (Kudos to you, Veronica!), but at the same time, I have to acknowledge that there wasn't much to hold on to in the book. By that, I mean imagery.

It was the one thing that I thought this book was missing. Now, if you picked up the book and read a small section, you would find that all the events were laid out in short, to-the-point sentences, like it says here...

"I approach one of the fallen guards and take his gun, keeping my eyes away from the injury that killed him. My head pounds. I haven't eaten; I haven't slept; I haven't sobbed or screamed or even paused for a moment. I bit my lip and push myself toward the elevators on the right side of the room. Level eight." (Roth 470)

'How can you say there isn't imagery?'

When I read this paragraph, it sounds like directions to me: like how a script would go if it were to be a play (maybe this is why it's a movie). This is how the entire book is set up, by the way.

I won't be reading Insurgent (the next book) anytime soon because--according to my sister--it is just like Divergent. I'm glad I didn't abandon this book, although I was considering it. I hope the next book I read exceeds my expectations.

The similarity between Book burning and Simulation Serum

While I was reading Divergent, I found a line that reminded me of Fahrenheit 451. That line is: "She is more machine than maniac. She sees problems and forms solutions based on the data she collects... Divergence is just another problem for her to solve, and that is what makes her so terrifying- because she is smart enough to solve anything," (Roth 432). For all of you who haven't read Divergent yet, Tris (the main character) is talking about Jeanine, the leader of Erudite (the smart faction). So far, Jeanine has invented a serum that she used to create an army from the Dauntless by controlling them. She didn't know, however, that her invention doesn't work on Divergents. For Jeanine, this is quite a dilemma. Like Tris says, Jeanine is terrifying. Not because she is not the kindest (and most attractive) person in the world, but because she uses her knowledge to her advantage: She wanted to control the other factions, so she made a mind-controlling serum. She wanted an army, so she made one out of Dauntless. Jeanine has proved that she can do just about anything because her knowledge gives her power.

This line reminds me of the theme "knowledge is power" we studied in class while reading Fahrenheit 451. Tris explained that Jeanine gets what she wants by outsmarting her opponents. That is why she is a big threat to Tris and Tobias (both Divergents). In Fahrenheit 451, books were forbidden. Why? It's probably because books contain ideas that are threatening to the government. Jeanine uses her power in a corrupted, egocentric way, but if Tris and Tobias can get their act together and use their knowledge to their advantage, they too can be as powerful as Jeanine and stop her from controlling society.

The similarity in theme between Fahrenheit 451 and Divergent.

http://www.ibmsystemsmag.com/ibmi/trends/whatsnew/Knowledge-is-Power/